Illustration:
Vidhya Nagarajan
Have you been reading about the daily routines of today’s tech entrepreneurs? These folks are motivated! And kind of weird! I want in. Here’s a peek at my daily routine:
I wake up every day around 2:15 a.m., because it’s the perfect time to get things done. I start by checking emails, but it’s the damnedest thing: Nobody’s emailing me at 2:15 a.m. Slackers! Frustrated, I make myself a kale smoothie with some flaxseed and four big handfuls of Cap’n Crunch. Next, I do an “empathy cleanse,” which basically means I scream hopelessly into a reusable Whole Foods bag for 10 minutes. Sometimes the neighbors call the cops, and I have to explain I’m an entrepreneur with a vision. They threaten to put me in jail, but I think the cops understand.
At 2:45 a.m., my fitness concierge, Serge, texts me that he’s at the door. Serge is always complaining about the early start, but I think he secretly likes it. He starts me out with some air squats and burpees. Then it’s on to Russian kettlebells. Serge favors this intense workout called “Serge’s Revenge,” in which he’ll chase me around while throwing 44 lb. kettlebells at my head. I’ll hide behind my Eames sofa and—WHIZZ! WHAMMO!—Serge buzzes a kettlebell past my ear, which smashes through my Noguchi coffee table. The cops come again, and this time, they’re really mad, but it’s nothing a kale and Cap’n Crunch smoothie can’t solve.
It’s still really early, so I usually just go to bed and fall asleep, which takes me up until about 1 p.m. As a modern person on the go, I find lunch to be a waste of time, so I usually grab a quick snack, like a quail egg, or a lobster, and then I do a high-intensity interval run on the interstate highway. Some people think this is dangerous, but I find it completely invigorating. Have you ever had to jump out of the way of a tractor-trailer doing 85 mph? I feel so alive. By the time my intervals are over, I’m usually lost, and I have to hitchhike home.
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Like every good industrial guru, I’m doing some fasting: I try to fast every day from 3 until 3:10 p.m.
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Lately I’ve been taking ice baths, which are amazing. The secret of an ice bath is that it’s so mind-numbingly awful, when you hop out, you just weep with gratitude.
Like every good industrial guru, I’m also doing some fasting: I try to fast every day from 3 until 3:10 p.m. A good fast gives me tremendous mental clarity and energy—it’s like a true power booster on my day. Once in a while, I’ll break down and eat a meatball sub at 3:15 p.m. I’m human, after all.
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I try to devote the later part of my workday to learning new things, like speaking Sentinelese, or looking people in the eye. I also take a visit from Janet, my Wildlife Attaché. I met Janet at a sweat lodge hosted by my VC, and she’s amazing: Every day she shows up with a new animal and teaches me about it. Komodo dragons, puffins, narwhals, chipmunks, you name it—Janet’s got it. I’m not sure this is legal, so stay mum about it, but occasionally I keep the animal Janet brings to me, and I ask Paul, my personal chef, to cook it for dinner. Lately, Paul has me on a keto diet, and Komodo is super keto.
At night, I try to keep my life “tech free,” so I can do some important daydreaming. Phones, computers, tablets and robot butlers are the only forms of tech I permit. Everything else is off-limits. It’s amazing how much easier it is to think when you only have your phone, computer, tablets and robot butlers, but to be honest, I’m ready for bed at 5:45 p.m. I have to get up at 2:15 a.m. tomorrow, and Serge says he’s bringing heavier kettlebells.
Write to Jason Gay at [email protected]
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